Ride The Unicorn

written by Guthrie Stafford

It’s 4:19 in the afternoon, and you are about to lose your mind. No, not from the copious amounts of cannabis you are about to smoke, but from being cooped up with your family and/or roommates for what feels like forever. Sure, you love them. They’re great people. But then you discover that someone ate all the Girl Scout cookies but left the empty boxes in the cupboard, and you’ve had enough. So you sneak out to the back yard, hunker down in your favorite lawn chair, and light up a fresh, aromatic joint of Unicorn. This strain of the month will take you for a fantastical ride of mellow, self care to soothe any global pandemic or quarantine-related worries you might have. 

At 21.5% THC and a whopping 0.00% CBD, Unicorn is an unabashed sativa dominant hybrid which delivers a whimsical yet thorough head high. With earthy notes of forest moss, a velvety body and a crisp, floral finish, this strain is easy on the palate yet unbridled on the brain. And, like the mystical horn of its namesake, this flower is packed with both mental and physical healing properties. In addition to alleviating muscle aches, anxiety and insomnia, this month’s strain has been known to bend the fabric of reality itself, so be prepared for some light time slippage. If the spirit moves you, consider letting Unicorn whisk you off into a little waking dream. Imagine the fantasy version of yourself. You are not merely a humble stoner. No! You are [your name here]-iadór the bold, scavenger of munchies, maintainer of hygiene, payer of rent, and emotionally mature resolver of interpersonal conflicts. Before your wisdom and intellect, no conundrum is too daunting. Remember how you fixed the drier last week with that pair of pliers? Or how you made that delicious sauce out of random ingredients when you ran out of sriracha? You didn’t even use a recipe! Bottom line is, you can basically do magic. 

Still, your natural abilities can use a boost from time to time. A closer inspection of the mystical herb reveals a richly textured landscape of golden stamen, fine as mane hair, intertwined with tightly packed, purple tinted flowers which turn almost indigo towards their tips. Hidden in the nooks and crannies, glittering trichomes refract the light with a sticky opalescence, giving the impression of tiny gems dusted over the nug. Unicorn is a hybrid cultivar of Chemdog and Blackberry Widow, both famous strains in their own right. Through Chemdog, Unicorn traces its lineage to such timeless classics as Sour Diesel and OG Kush, and on the Blackberry Widow side, to the legendary White Widow, the prize of Amsterdam coffee shops. Through this holy union, the pungency and potency of Chemdog and the uplifting euphoria of Blackberry Widow have combined into a sultry and deeply majestic strain.

So light up, kick back, and let the silvery haze of Unicorn carry you away from all your worries. As the purple clouds scud across the sky, you think you can hear, far off, a mischievous whiny. It was probably just the wind. 

Leave a Comment