Madame Mary Jane’s Harvest Horoscopes

illustration by Renee Thompson @renee.eporita

Aries (March 21st- April 20th)

Aries, there will be a small change that will seem chaotic or stressful to you, like maybe your favorite budtender leaving or your favorite strain disappearing, but don’t get too strung out over it. Instead, go with the flow and embrace this new change and break your old routine by trying something new like an edible or concentrate. 

Fall Tarot Card: The Tower (distress, adversity, disgrace)

Taurus (April 21st- May 21st)

Taurus, now is the time to splurge on something you’ve always been curious about. Perhaps it is a bit more in price or THC content than you’re used to, but as long as you’re comfortable you should reach out for that special something. If you’ve never tried it, try getting a pearl and watching a spooky movie. 

Fall Tarot Card: Three of Wands (effort, discovery, strength)

Gemini (May 22nd- June 21st)

Gemini, if you’ve been feeling stuck lately take a chance and trust the recommendation of your favorite stoner. Have they been raving about a certain strain? Does your budtender swear by this harvest’s Blue Dream? Now is the time to get out of your funk and find out what all the ruckus is about.

Fall Tarot Card: The Chariot (providence, triumph, chance)

Cancer (June 22nd- July 22nd)

Cancer, when you find yourself feeling dull and worn out from your usual 420 routine, consider taking T-break and cutting out or lower your THC consumption. Taking a T-break can help you ‘clear the fog’ you’ve been stuck in lately and heighten your next experience when you want to reintroduce THC again. 

Fall Tarot Card: Knight of Wands (absence, departure, flight)

Leo (July 23rd- August 23rd)

Leo, when you want to treat yourself to something new, think about trying an activated beverage. These drinks can be a great way to experience the modern advances of the cannabis industry and if you’ve ever wondered what a canna-twist on drinks like lemonade, soda, and beer taste like, bring it up to your favorite budtender. 

Fall Tarot Card: Temperance (moderation, frugality, economy)

Virgo (August 24th- September 22nd) 

Virgo, remember that the transition from summer to fall is harder for others. If you’ve been feeling slightly depressed or sluggish, try a fruity sativa like Grapefruit. You can also try doing activities in sunlight and exercising, like smoking a joint after an autumn walk or hike.

Fall Tarot Card: Nine of Swords (disappointment, despair, sluggishness) 

Libra (September 23rd- October 22nd) 

Libra, if you are ready to try something stronger than your usual THC treat, maybe it’s time to try concentrates. In my experience, concentrates made from OG strains are usually easy to find in the fall time, but this can change from harvest to harvest, so ask your budtender what they recommend next time you stop in on Shatterday. 

Fall Tarot Card: The Emperor (power, stability, reason)

Scorpio (October 23rd- November 21st)

Scorpio, this fall I recommend trying out more indicas. You’re in need of that calm, peaceful feeling that indicas are famous for producing. Now might also be an excellent time to get into making art or carving a jack-o-lantern. My personal favorite indicas have always been in the Kush family, mostly because there always seems to be fun combinations. Maybe you can try a few out and find a new favorite. 

Fall Tarot Card: Four of Wands (harmony, peace, prosperity) 

Sagittarius (November 22nd- December 21st) 

Sagittarius, this season you should spend your time diversifying your cannabis palette. One easy way to do this is to take advantage of gram specials. Now is a good time for you to settle on a favorite dispensary, or at least take this as an excuse to branch out more in your consumption habits. 

Fall Tarot Card: Three of Swords (removal, division, dispersion) 

Capricorn (December 22nd- January 20th) 

Capricorn, for this spooky season, I recommend experimenting with mild or low THC strains like R4 or Charlotte’s Web and focusing on mindfulness. But if you are thinking about trying more than one strain out this fall, try and keep a journal about your favorite CBD strains and how you interact with them. 

Fall Tarot Card: Eight of Cups (mildness, joy, modesty) 

Aquarius (January 21st- February 19th)

Aquarius, as someone who tends to be off in their own world, I would suggest at some point this season using a canna-bath bomb. Especially if you find your thoughts being more tangled than usual. Taking a nice canna-bath can give you time to mull things over and treat sore muscles. 

Tarot Card: Ace of Swords (love, triumph, excessive)

Pisces (February 20th- March 20th) 

Pisces, this fall is a time for you to return to your roots. For many of us, this means smoking a joint. This could also be a good time to go back to your first favorite strains if you’re feeling nostalgic. Whatever brings you back to your favorite moments, and if you haven’t learned yet, try rolling your own joints or carving your own apple pipe. 

Fall Tarot Card: The Hierophant (tradition, alliance, goodness)

Strain of The Month: Cantaloupe Haze

Written and photographed by Noah Noteboom

As you sit in your room listening to the rain hit the roof, you find yourself craving something to do. With the weather taking a turn for the worst, staying indoors is probably a good idea. Autumn gives us the opportunity to huddle around the fire or catch up on those movies we have stashed away for rainy days. But movies like Hocus Pocus, Good Will Hunting or The Nightmare Before Christmas can only provide entertainment for so long, before you need something else to do.

That is where our Strain of the Month comes into play. Cantaloupe Haze (also spelled as Cannalope Haze) takes the honor this month. Although low in CBD, this flower more than makes up for it with earthy smells and a higher concentration of THC.

This indica-dominant strain is a mix of Mexican and Haze Brothers to create a blend of cannabis that is meant to uplift the spirits and soothe your mind. Cantaloupe Haze can be a sweet relief from the seasonal sadness that often comes with the change in weather.

The fruity flower has a very potent aroma. The smell of flowers and tropical sweets romance you, and the earthy nugs have a similar taste as well. As you indulge, you can taste hints of sweet and sour melons along with a slight whiff of pine in the aftertaste. 

With THC levels ranging anywhere from 20-28%, use caution when smoking this strain. It is recommended that newer users consume smaller doses and with lots of patience to avoid couch-lock. As with most indica strains, the amount you intake has a direct impact on the weight of the effects. Smoking just the right amount will make getting things done a breeze. But be careful, because if taken in excess, this strain will leave you feeling sleepy and unmotivated.

Especially in the current condition of the world, Cantaloupe Haze offers a big morale boost. Quarantine will feel a little less claustrophobic and a bit brighter with this mellow, productive strain guiding you through the day. 

Chugga Chugga, Let’s Get Trainwrecked: Strain of The Month

words by Skyla Patton

School has arrived with a bang, and suddenly we’re waist  deep in the craziness of fall term. Deadlines, new classes and the scramble for time has everyone feeling overwhelmed. Week two and already we want to retreat to bed waving a white flag. Don’t worry, it’s not time to burn your syllabi and throw in the towel yet. Relaxing with a half gram of hybrid is a great way to ease your mind and take a well-deserved break: Trainwreck is here to take you away.

Famous in the marijuana world, Trainwreck is a tasty, sativa-heavy hybrid that lives up to its name. Almost instantaneously, a  euphoria of motivation and uplifted energy hits you (you guessed it, like a train). This insta-high is a unique quality that is not typically found in most hybrids. Trainwreck is the bubbly love child of Afghani indicas and Thai or Mexican sativas.Their happy marriage creates a powerful high that can sustain you through those deadlines while steamrolling any extra stress or tension. This strain is ideal for a cool autumn walk, spicing up date night or adding inspiration to a creativity sesh. Trainwreck is pretty much a big snuggly hug  — are you sold yet?

A Northern California native, this hybrid has an earthy, almost minty aroma with a slight hint of lemon. At first glance it may just look like your average bud, but a microscope will reveal fiery orange stigmas (the little fuzzy hairs) and deep specks of purple hidden close to the stem. Trainwreck is highly renowned for its incredible uplifting qualities and is often used to treat PTSD, common anxiety or chronic pain.

The high will allow you to relax and forget your worries without totally incapacitating you to your netflix— unless that’s where you want to be. It also is known to help with a lack of appetite or stomach nausea. Be prepared for the after effects, though: this strain burns quickly and effectively for a long-lasting high. Reports say that once the euphoria trickles away, you will be ready for pajamas and the best nap of your life.

 

Pass The Remote, Puff The Joint: Netflix Pairings for Your Favorite Strains

Words by Skyla Patton | Photo by Michael Davies

You’ve got your popcorn, your feet are up on the ottoman and your honey bunny is snuggled up next to you. Netflix and Chill season is upon us. Cuddling up with a warm blanket, someone you love and a full season of “Stranger Things” might seem impossible to beat, but wait—where’s the weed? Check out these pairing suggestions for the best strains to best enhance your latest Netflix obsession.

Comedies:

Diablo and “Grace & Frankie”

If you’re looking to start a new show packed with hearty laughs and likeable characters, “Grace and Frankie” is the answer. The lives of two women are turned upside down when they discover their husbands are in love and want to get married—to each other! This hysterical series makes for a perfect night in when matched with Diablo, a strong indica that comes with a euphoric high and lots of laughs.

Blue Diesel and “The Office”

Getting back to the classics, “The Office” is a comedy favorite with lovable characters and hysterical episodes to binge the night away on. Pick from your favorite episodes or start fresh from the beginning if you haven’t already and laugh the night away. Blue Diesel is an indica dominant strain to give you a case of the giggles and a craving for some of Pam’s desk M&M’s.

Romances:

Ultimate Trainwreck and “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”

Based on the classic Truman Capote novel, the Audrey Hepburn-starring “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” tells the story of a young woman working as an expensive escort who encounters her ideal man: rich, older and able to fund her expensive lifestyle. Puff on Ultimate Trainwreck, a romancing sativa-heavy strain to get into a mischievous mindset and truly enjoy Hepburn’s sultry acting style.

Chocolate Chunk and “Love Actually”

This fun film observes nine different scenarios that all trace back to the root of a crucial emotion: love. Packed with classic laughs, romantic kisses to take your breath away and a few heart-tugging moments, this movie is perfect for date night or a good solo cry when you feel like it. Chocolate Chunk is the indica to put you straight into your feelings or set you up for a romantic, rich evening.

Cartoons

Chemdawg and “Captain Underpants”

To satisfy your inner child, this hilarious comedy follows Captain Underpants, the superhero nobody knew they needed in their lives. The story of two aspiring comic book writers who bring their story to life will make even your stingiest friend laugh. Combined with Chemdawg, a potent hybrid strain, the natural colors and hilarities of children’s movies will make you wheeze with the giggles and inspire your best kid’s menu cooking.

Laughing Buddha and “Monsters vs. Aliens”

A recent DreamWorks sensation, “Monsters vs. Aliens” follows the life of a bride who is unexpectedly swept into the world of—you guessed it—monsters and aliens after being struck by a meteor. With important messages about true colors and the importance of family, this cartoon will make you laugh, cry and feel everything in between. If you want to really ramp up the feels and notice how funny looking the blob is, take a few puffs of sativa-heavy Laughing Buddha and feel the uplifted energy wash over you.

Cooking Shows

Mango and “Zumbo’s Just Desserts”

For the worst “Chopped” addicts who want to satisfy their sweet tooth, “Zumbo’s Just Desserts” will have you on the edge of your seat praying for the contestants creme brulee to rise. This exciting competition explores the classics and the extreme sides of the baking world, with fun twists and challenges to excite all types of audiences. Mango, a strong indica, is guaranteed to give you an inspiring case of the munchies and truly enhance the sweetness of the show.

Platinum Purple Kush and “Chef’s Table”

After watching “Chef’s Table,” an intricate series that follows the passions and famous dishes of culinary chefs around the world, you’ll be inspired to make as many purees and fancy reductions as you can think of. Ranging from tiny dishes packed with flavor to huge chunks of meat roasted in the wilderness, this show will entrance you with the wonders of cooking. Platinum Purple Kush will get your brain churning with inspiration while keeping the munchies at bay so you can really channel your inner Gordon Ramsay.

Documentaries

Belladonna and “Gaga: Five Foot Two”

Whether you’re a diehard Lady Gaga fan or just someone who is passionate about music, “Gaga: Five Foot Two” will bring tears to your eyes and give you a softer image of performers and what they go through. Following Stefani Germanotta, better known as the infamous Lady Gaga, this brutally honest doc tells her story of chronic pain, creative process and personal life experiences that all lead to the creation of her chart-breaking singles. Belladonna is the perfect hybrid to mellow you into just the right doc-watching mood while uplifting your spirits to really connect with the music.

White Widow and “Bill Nye Saves the World”

Did the old theme song just pop into your head? Yeah, we know. Bill Nye’s latest series, a Netflix original debut, features his hilarious personality and walks you through the latest and greatest myths and their corresponding scientific refutes. White Widow will get your inner scientist ready to snap on the goggles and white lab coat with its happy energy and creative hybrid tendencies.